she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
