i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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