those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
