Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
