since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
