you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
