I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
And the cops told us we were all naked.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
is it fun? or sober?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
