I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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