I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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