i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize
