I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
