A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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