I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
