yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
