yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
