Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
