I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
