I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
