Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
you didnt know i had herpes?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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