If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Randomize
