fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
My penis needs a shock collar
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
