i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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