Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
