i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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