new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
