I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
