Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
