And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
