What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Randomize
