Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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