You just made me feel so damn special
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
