I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
