if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
