My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
