Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
