i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
