Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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