remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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