I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
