I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Randomize
