I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
