i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
