great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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