Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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