im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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