"it" just moved
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
