I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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