Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
