I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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