She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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