You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
