We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
