I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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