my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
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