Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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