Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
