she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
