you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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