im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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