My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize