I'm lost and stupid without you.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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