I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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