she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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