There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
