just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
