I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
