You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize